Enchantress of the Stars

Posted on January 1st, 2016 in Blog, Uncategorized, Writings by Michelle. 12 Comments

I’ve been trying to write and write this post for awhile, and I lacked the words to say what was on my mind and even heart. I guess I just wanna say that my Christmas at the end was okay, and I mean that in the most neutral way ever. There was some fighting and it came from my husband and I, and it came from the frustration of him not understanding or not appreciating that we were alive this season. I’m grateful indeed, but regardless, it only took a broken phone to make me realize that my husband wasn’t truly grateful. It usually wouldn’t irk me but I’m still feeling raw and all sorts of things from the wreck and I wanted him to share my feelings of appreciation and joyfulness for the holidays. He didn’t and I got mad, but to cut to the chase to the whole story, I just wish I could make him understand the intense feelings I’m going through and appreciate what he had. I guess you can’t make people feel what you feel unless you share it together somehow.

But not withstanding, physical therapy is fine and we go nearly everyday but I know eventually we have to stop because we are getting better, even my ankle is getting better but that’s another story. The other story being that my ankle may not hurt as bad as it did, but it still deserves attention. Also, the insurance companies on both ends, mine and theirs are dragging their asses no matter how much time is passing and our health insurance isn’t doing what it’s supposed to be doing and saying different stuff to us. I’m more afraid of my husband not having a job and etc; than the pay we deserve. I’m just tired of dealing with this bullshit insurance companies for health and car insurance. It’s being a liability for us to keep waiting for stuff to happen regardless of the so called holidays. Why did this wreck have to happen so near Christmas? It’s making me feel worst about things and of life. It’s just not a good ending for us, honestly. I hope 2016 will be better.

I’m really looking forward to classes again and knowing that I start on a Tuesday(19th) is funny to me. I have Bio lab in the morning and then bio lecture right after. Funny, to be honest at how they are switched but no matter I have both wonderful professors in those classes and I’m sure I’ll eventually do well again.

I previously posted about what I thought this year meant, and it’s meant a lot to me in terms of personal growth and challenges, but what will I hope for in 2016? Just more growth and maturity from both of us, and also the passing of my math course along with finishing the dealing with the wreck so we can move past it. I’m not desensitized by it in the slightest and that’s what has been causing my problems sleeping and other trouble but slowly I’m trying to find ways to get past it all. It hasn’t been easy and I don’t doubt it will, but 2016 is promising to be something special. I say that because despite all the things going wrong, so much is going right.

It’s a time to change what couldn’t be changed and wear that sadness away.

I’ll end like this:

Often the stars collapse into each one another

but the scars quietly sing and forward it goes

but real fate is not left to the sky

it’s left upon the cuts on your skin

we can transform

we can be more

more than ever what was hoped

we can be us

 

,

namenamenem



Michelle, you have gone through a lot and I admire your strength and courage. You have been very positive through your ordeal. Keep fighting the good fight. <3 I'm sorry your Christmas was "okay" because you deserve better. I hope things will patch up with you and your hubby. May this new year bring joy and prosperity for you and your family.

And I loooove the last tidbit of this post. It's beautiful. Please keep writing, you've got skill.

Posted on January 2nd, 2016, at 1:03 AM by Ella.

I could relate to your first paragraph in the sense that I’m grateful to be alive and do my best to be happy during this time of year. My boyfriend also finds it difficult to appreciate the things he has already. He should be grateful that he has a roof over his head, a car that is still able to take him where he needs to, a great job and that he’s healthy. But for some reason, he’s always miserable around this time of year to the point where he doesn’t want to spend time together for Christmas or New Years… I understand how frustrating it could be. *hugs*

Anything that happens close to the holidays almost always seems like it’s processed slower. I’m sorry to hear that you have to deal with insurance companies and all of those stresses. I bought my car just over a month ago and my renewal is next month where I’m getting hit with a 2k bill for insurance and my license. I’m stressing over that but I know it’s something that’s good to have and I hope that I won’t ever have to use it.

2016 WILL be better! =) I’m glad to hear that you two are recovering well. Good luck in school!

Posted on January 2nd, 2016, at 2:29 AM by Ongaku.

I’m sorry to hear about everything you have been going through. I really feel you on all this, but in different ways. I’m with you in hoping that 2016 is much better. ♥

Posted on January 2nd, 2016, at 7:00 AM by Cat.

Sorry to hear that you and your husband were fighting 🙁 Hopefully he’ll come around to seeing things from your point of view. I’m glad the physical therapy is going well at least. Dealing with insurance companies is really annoying. I really hope they’ll sort it out soon!

Good luck with your classes! I hope 2016 will be a much better year for you!

Posted on January 2nd, 2016, at 8:38 AM by Kya.

I am sorry to hear that you had a fight over the holidays. I really hope that things can improve. You have been through a lot this past year and there have been a number of changes. The accident was an awful thing to go through and it is so blah that the insurance company is causing some hassle. 🙁

Having school starting again might actually be a really good thing. You will have something to focus on. I know personally, studying has really been helping me. It might take away some hours that you devote to other things, but it has numerous benefits.

I really really really hope you have a much better 2016!

Posted on January 2nd, 2016, at 1:52 PM by Tara.

Aw, man, sorry you and your husband had that fight 🙁 I hope you two will communicate better and have less disagreement/arguments! In fact, I wish you all the best in 2016. Good luck with your therapy and your classes!

Posted on January 2nd, 2016, at 11:52 PM by Becca.

Man, I’m sorry you’ve been hitting such a rough patch lately, Michelle. I think with everything going on it can be rough to always stay positive. I love that last tidbit you ended with. Did you write that? It’s beautiful.

I’m wishing the best for you in 2016. It will be better!!

Posted on January 3rd, 2016, at 4:06 PM by Pauline.

I’m so sorry to hear about how your Christmas went Michelle. I always am like that with my parents – I tell them that we should always be grateful but sometimes they take it the wrong way some how. In fact, we had a huge fight during christmas too. So youre not alone. I hope things get better and sort themselves out.

I love the little creative writing at the end! <3

Always here for you!

Posted on January 4th, 2016, at 8:43 AM by Kayla.

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through all of this, I truly hope 2016 turns out just the way you want it to. I absolutely LOVED how you said, “despite all the things going wrong, so much is going right.” Yes! That’s such a good thing to focus on and keep reminding yourself of. <3

Posted on January 4th, 2016, at 1:46 PM by Tracy.

Wishing you a good and healthy 2016. Dealing with insurances can be a pain, hope everything turns out the way you hope/wish for.

Posted on January 4th, 2016, at 2:01 PM by Maroon Caludin.

It is awful that all this had to happen right before the holidays. I really hope things get better. As always I love how you try to have a good attitude about it. I hope you have a great year!

Posted on January 4th, 2016, at 7:31 PM by Nancy.

Happy New Year, Michelle! I’m sorry to hear that you and your husband had an argument. But these events end up better with you both making up and being a better couple? Good to hear that therapy is going well. Insurance companies are notorious for taking their sweet time when it comes to claims.

You will be fine, Michelle. Keep your head up and don’t give up. Good luck with your goals for the year :).