I’ve been trying to write and write this post for awhile, and I lacked the words to say what was on my mind and even heart. I guess I just wanna say that my Christmas at the end was okay, and I mean that in the most neutral way ever. There was some fighting and it came from my husband and I, and it came from the frustration of him not understanding or not appreciating that we were alive this season. I’m grateful indeed, but regardless, it only took a broken phone to make me realize that my husband wasn’t truly grateful. It usually wouldn’t irk me but I’m still feeling raw and all sorts of things from the wreck and I wanted him to share my feelings of appreciation and joyfulness for the holidays. He didn’t and I got mad, but to cut to the chase to the whole story, I just wish I could make him understand the intense feelings I’m going through and appreciate what he had. I guess you can’t make people feel what you feel unless you share it together somehow.
But not withstanding, physical therapy is fine and we go nearly everyday but I know eventually we have to stop because we are getting better, even my ankle is getting better but that’s another story. The other story being that my ankle may not hurt as bad as it did, but it still deserves attention. Also, the insurance companies on both ends, mine and theirs are dragging their asses no matter how much time is passing and our health insurance isn’t doing what it’s supposed to be doing and saying different stuff to us. I’m more afraid of my husband not having a job and etc; than the pay we deserve. I’m just tired of dealing with this bullshit insurance companies for health and car insurance. It’s being a liability for us to keep waiting for stuff to happen regardless of the so called holidays. Why did this wreck have to happen so near Christmas? It’s making me feel worst about things and of life. It’s just not a good ending for us, honestly. I hope 2016 will be better.
I’m really looking forward to classes again and knowing that I start on a Tuesday(19th) is funny to me. I have Bio lab in the morning and then bio lecture right after. Funny, to be honest at how they are switched but no matter I have both wonderful professors in those classes and I’m sure I’ll eventually do well again.
I previously posted about what I thought this year meant, and it’s meant a lot to me in terms of personal growth and challenges, but what will I hope for in 2016? Just more growth and maturity from both of us, and also the passing of my math course along with finishing the dealing with the wreck so we can move past it. I’m not desensitized by it in the slightest and that’s what has been causing my problems sleeping and other trouble but slowly I’m trying to find ways to get past it all. It hasn’t been easy and I don’t doubt it will, but 2016 is promising to be something special. I say that because despite all the things going wrong, so much is going right.
It’s a time to change what couldn’t be changed and wear that sadness away.
I’ll end like this:
Often the stars collapse into each one another
but the scars quietly sing and forward it goes
but real fate is not left to the sky
it’s left upon the cuts on your skin
we can transform
we can be more
more than ever what was hoped
we can be us