Woe Is Not Me

So, I’ve been trying to think how to word this entry, so far, I’ve written it two times and each time sounded angrier and just “woe is me” but faking positivity when things hurt…was even worse off for me. At this point in time, I’m going to be real and say I’m hurting everywhere, and despite the injuries, it still hurts. My mind hurts, and my spirit feels broken. I feel like it ruined my holidays, but I know what you are thinking, don’t think too much, everything will heal~ Yes, everything will heal, and I’m strong, but this didn’t happen for a reason. It happened because someone made a bad choice and was grossly uncaring of their actions. And that’s how most things are, that’s how accidents do happen.

All I can remember from the accident itself was rolling over several times and then being taken out and walking on my sprained ankle and inquiring about my husband. I was more in shock and more worried about him than me. I kept trying to tell people I was all right when I wasn’t. I was bleeding from my head and had ripped through my leggings. Eventually I was laid down and saved by the EMTs from the gawking people. My husband standing besides me. Apparently, the worst thing that happened to him was beginning to see that he could lose me. I didn’t say much except, “I’m fine.” but I wasn’t. The ride to the hospital was fine and I remember holding my father in law’s hand at the hospital, because of the words he told me before hand. I was his daughter. I kept trying to chalk up my survival to god, but who knows at this point? Maybe I was just very lucky, but the hospital stay was automatically over and they sent me on my way, despite not having broken bones, I was in some of the worst pain of my life.

The hospital itself was okay. They didn’t really tell me anything and tried to keep getting me to say stuff and sign stuff when I was in that neck brace, because the EMTs needed to make sure my back or neck wasn’t hurt. It’s not, but my back is sore. American healthcare for ya, really. Full of damn paperwork and that day, I didn’t have my insurance card or my ID on me.

I’m alive and in the news, but in the worst way possible. The police report and news chalk it up to being my husband’s fault partially, for how it was, I don’t understand, but really, the car that hit, the Mustang was over 160 km or over 100 miles per hour. That force caused the impact mostly and so I got a lawyer to help me and my husband, so hopefully we recover the money we lost from my job that I was fired from, and the lost wages my husband incurred by staying home. Plus, Monday, I’m seeing a doctor that will treat and see my wounds. Finally, I know, because honestly, the hospital that I went to, didn’t say anything about follow up and I’m still dealing with them.

Insurance will be a nightmare, but I’m trusting my neighbor and this lawyer, this unconventional lawyer to help us get the settlement needed for our car and pay our medical expenses.

For right now, I’m not asking for much sympathy, as I am understanding. It was the most frightening experience of my life and the worst lingering pain in my life. Broken bones or not.

I’m still processing that silver lining…I really am and I know I’ll make it through, but I’ll be altered in a way, in a undesirable way, and this will be my ‘after’ photo for a long time.


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Posted on December 12th, 2015 in Blog, Uncategorized by Michelle. 3 Comments

It can be hard to deal with stuff like this and try to keep in a good place. But your attitude about everything is great! I know you’re in a lot of pain and dealing with so much stuff due to this, but you seem to be keeping a float, and aren’t just hiding away in a corner so to speak. Sorry, I’m just trying to say, that is one thing I like about you. You always seem to try to keep the best attitude.

Posted on December 13th, 2015, at 1:48 AM by Becca.

Life is hard, and most of the time it doesn’t work out the way we want it to. I pray that you continue to heal, not only physically but mentally, too. I know that it’s hard to be positive, but when I’m in a tough situation I try to count all of my blessings. I’m sure a big one for you is that your husband is okay and will be beside you every step of the way. *hug*

Posted on December 13th, 2015, at 6:09 AM by Lou.

In the most possible way of cheering you up, I would just like to let you know that you’re never alone in this despair. I, too, is in the same phase but bearable enough to handle. You what? Your writing just makes your despair a lot lovelier. You write well and that should be the point in here, your words inspire many & I hope you’d realize that. Hugs for you, we’ll all make it through! 🙂