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Alpha and Omega

I got sick again but with what? Tonsillitis. I seem to be getting sick due to the frenzy of changing weather down here in Texas and in my area, too. Damn, it really sucks that I keep having to get antibiotics for some kind of problem but it happens sadly. I guess in all honesty that I am too sensitive to the weather changing a lot more than most people but that’s okay because my immune system is too lazy to fight whatever is going on. I am slowly feeling my way back to my old self and besides that, I can actually eat food again and not feel so much pain in my throat and also my tonsils but if it continues then….I don’t wanna think of the ‘and then’ part honestly, because I was told that kind of surgery is harder on adults than children. Boohoo. Also, I dealt with another crisis at home with Marley. She had a lot of blockage and for a dog, that’s not a good thing and so she wasn’t using the restroom properly or at all. I started freaking out and just being hysterical and even lashing out to my husband (which isn’t good) but I was soon calmed down by trying methods like Olive Oil to help Marley’s blockage. Hours later and BOOM!

She’s getting back to normal and no going to the vet. They would probably tell us what we already knew and we didn’t want to hear it and their method may and if I believe quite expensive too and we can’t afford that now. At least, Marley is doing better now and getting herself dirtyΒ in the process. She’s so sweet and if something preventable happened to her….I dare not type it because I feel-no, I know my heart would wither and die. I don’t and can’t see how I could keep loving dogs like I love Marley.

Regardless, even with the hotter weather at least it has been cooler in the night and the lights of outside can be seen because my dog mom put up a outside umbrella on a table with chairs and attached to them are solar lights which shine beautifully at night. There’s nothing better than enjoying time outside underneath that umbrella unless I am being the buffet for bugs which is annoying in its own right. Blah!

Please do expect a new layout soon.

But I guess I need to pull it together and not stress or worry so much about bad situations because they will come with kids, which has been pushed up to maybe the end of this year and beginning of next, but I do need to get my doctors on board and that’s intimidating honestly. I have been doing better with my impulsiveness and just all around jittery feeling because it was ruling my life and also no more panic attacks at night!Β I guess the reason for this need to have kids is because my husband is 5 years older than me and by the time 2019 rolls around…well…I do want to be a mom and I do want to have children despite a lot of family saying I shouldn’t because of the mental illness I suffer from but don’t we all suffer from some pre existing condition? No person is a 100% pure really and if they are…were they hiding out for so long under the ground or something?

My point being is that it’s a personal decision that me and my husband have made and to do this cleanly then we need to be honest. Sure, I have high blood pressure but there are meds for that no doubt for pregnancy and I know that my case will be okay in the meantime but I think motherhood could be a good thing for me because it’s been a dream to have kids at least because I never felt destined to take any other profession or cause.

It’s just a dream but that doesn’t make me anti-feminism does it? I don’t think so. This week will be busy with me talking to doctors including my gynecologist and even psychiatrist because I have to be watched carefully. I am wonderful with children and I know that I can provide more to the table than my own parents did but I am nervous about screwing it up or having messed up kids and them having mental illness; but I guess it’s true, you can’t choose your genes but you can take a risk and be something you’d only dream of. This week I really need to talk to my doctors and my husband earnestly and decide on a time frame and get it done. Just wish us luck as we continue on our journey!

Posted on March 21st, 2017 in Blog, pictures by Michelle. 5 Comments

Posted on March 22nd, 2017, at 12:38 pm by Yuki Motokane.

I hope you get well soon and have wonderful children πŸ™‚ I know how it feels to be freaked out when something happens to our dog. One time my dog ate quite a lot of staples and I couldn’t stop panicking because when we brought her to the vet, they said that she had staples all over inside her body,. But thankfully, my dog was strong enough to endure it . I wish you guys luck on your journey!

Posted on March 24th, 2017, at 4:17 am by Gillan.

I hope you feel better soon! And I’m glad your Marley is all well now πŸ™‚ My dog is currently sick with ehrlichiosis, which is like dengue for dogs, and I’m taking care of him and making sure he takes his meds. I also don’t know what I’d do if something happens to him. He’s my baby.
It’s not anti-feminist at all to want children. It’s okay if you want children instead of having a profession. It’s your choice at the end of the day and it’s what will make you happy πŸ™‚ Don’t mind others’ opinions, which they should definitely keep to themselves. I also don’t think that a mental illness should keep you from having children. What matters is that you strive to be better for them. I wish you all the best! πŸ’–
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Posted on March 25th, 2017, at 3:55 am by Gom.

Hope you get well soon! Tonsilitis does not sound fun at all.

Aw I’m glad for Marley. That is an adorable picture of her btw.

Posted on March 25th, 2017, at 2:57 pm by Claudine.

Eeeeep. Tonsillitis is one of those things I would never want to happen to me ever again. I hope you get well and I hope you don’t get frequent bouts of tonsillitis in the future. I’ve had my tonsils removed and I swear, it’s the worst surgery I’ve ever had in my life not because of the procedure itself, but because of the healing process. And this is coming from someone who’s already had numerous surgeries!

I don’t get why some people feel that having kids is anti-feminist or disempowering. Parenthood is a personal choice, and it’s something that is very difficult but very worthwhile and fulfilling if undertaken. So if you guys want kids, then by all means have them, as long as you know you can give them the life and the love they need! πŸ™‚ I wish you and your husband all the best and I hope everything turns out well regarding your health <3
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Posted on March 27th, 2017, at 3:52 pm by Sakura.

Oh dear. Hope you get well soon! I hate it when any part of my throat is hurting and tonsillitis doesn’t sound good to me. πŸ™