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Closer To The Memories, This Time

I wanna just have a big flashback episode to myself and how my life and relationships mean something to me. How they got me to be me in the end and how childhood just ends and we all have to be adults. Adults that make hard choices but make it through to be responsible for not all but some people can do it. I am reminded because I did break down a relationship because of how much anger my little brother has for my mother and how much she has damaged him and me. Sure, he didn’t mean to be mad but in the end, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone and he knows I have always got his back and I hope he knows that even now. I spent most of my childhood taking care of him and while my mother didn’t mean to do that to me but because she divorced my abusive father, she had no choice. Of course she wasn’t always loving in fact, she’s problematic and toxic but I did the best I could as a child raising another child 11 years younger than me but I remember bringing him home in Jan of 1999 and holding my dearest baby brother. I had asked for a baby sister but a baby brother is fine with me now. I have accepted it after all these years but in the end, he’s always been close to me and despite our ages differences of 11 years, we get along pretty well.

Now, he’s leaving in August, my birthday month and while I turn 28, I’ll miss my little brother dearly and though the thoughts of joining any branch of the military scares me, I know he will be fine. I am just worried about our current administration and their direction, and since he’s leaving for the Marines, I get paralyzed with fear. I don’t wanna lose my little brother. He’s been the proof of good things happening in my life and besides, I wanted his name to be Joshua but I am glad he’s a Christopher or Michael as we call him by his middle name. Sure, he has flaws but then we all do and besides, I stand by him now and forever, bad or good decisions.

Bro Michael and his gf at Prom
 With the news of his departure imminent, I know that things always work out just fine, and I’m doing all I can do to feel better and work on things that matter, for instance like my health. My mental and emotional health is what matters in the long run and I am doing what I can do to get them back on track but the path is long. I guess I am still scared of things that adults do now, the responsibilities again but I can’t be scared forever. I guess there is a lot of things to concern myself with and get back onto track with. I guess the biggest fear is failure and not being able to do things I once did. I can’t be a 100 percent me but I will try my hardest to be who I am now. I am someone different but the same as well. I guess it’s hard to explain what I mean? I feel like an evolved form of myself and feel stronger and weaker still but it isn’t bad entirely. I know that I am better than most things I am going through and that whatever my mind throws at me can’t dampen my spirit for far too long.

My dog mom Mina is taking care of her son’s dogs for awhile and I managed to get a group photo of them smiling together. They aren’t so bad to handle and they listen which is great to say the least.

Smiling Doggos
 

Posted on May 30th, 2017 in Blog, pictures by Michelle. 5 Comments

Posted on May 30th, 2017, at 8:56 pm by Lucien.

Thank you very much. 🙂

I adored the movie; I wanted a happier ending, but I still loved how it ended. It’s a very good watch. 🙂

Posted on June 1st, 2017, at 4:54 pm by Sasha.

Thank you for your words. 🙂
You absolutely read my mind, I’m not gonna spend half a second thinking about those retards. 😀

Posted on June 2nd, 2017, at 3:01 pm by Peach.

Wow, what a story you’ve been through a lot and how you talk about it now I’m sure your much stronger now. I relate in my own way with issues in my past when I was younger and I know now I’m a stronger young women and don’t let no one push me around no more. True, we all have bad days but I know I came a very long way from a lot of hurt and sadness in my life. I wish you all the best I really do. I hope your brother will be OK as well while he’s serving. My folks were in the military and the navy so it can be stressful but I bet he’ll be OK. Having you as a sister I think makes him strong and he will be strong while he’s away.

Your dogs are so cute! My folks has dogs as well still miss them since I live with my older sister but we visit a lot. In fact we LOVE a lot of animals and have a lot as well.

I’m 28 myself right now can’t believe I have one more year of being in the 20’s then going on 30 the year after that. (O.O) Time sure flies but don’t really miss all too much when I was in my teens and early 20’s. Stuff happened in my life that went good. But now older and much wiser I feel a lot better and are doing a lot better with my life.

Thank you for the comment on my blog and yeah I’m happy I’m in a good place right now hope it continues.. Yeah Group I really like and learning a lot about it and myself the most. I never really heard of the group your in but hope it helps you out and you get better.

Ever need to talk feel free to stop by my blog. Also if you want to be affies just let me know. Even though it says I’m close I still like to add more people if I really like there sites or blogs. yours is quite awesome and like what you have in it.

Please take care and have a wonderful weekend my dear~<3
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Posted on June 2nd, 2017, at 6:03 pm by Sakura.

Stay strong! When will your brother be back?

Posted on June 3rd, 2017, at 4:42 pm by Peach.

I’ll add you know on my list.
Peach recently posted…June – Things to ComeMy Profile