Month of Lions

I’m bi. I have always been bi because that’s just me. Always been interested in women as I am with men but never truly romantically involved with women. I only had one girlfriend, ex now but it ended on a bad note, sadly. Mental illness sucks. It ruins relationships and yourself in time if not taken care of properly. It’s PRIDE MONTH! Time to celebrate!

Shaymin with Pride
I have many friends that are either LGBTQ+ or allies of such, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m glad that this month is that because my birthday is coming up soon: August! I’ll be 28 and while I haven’t done much in my life so far, I feel young inside my heart. Plus, on the 28th of this month, I am going back to the Texas Workforce Commission and talk to the job agency there to help me find a part time job suited to me. I just worry about keeping it. I worry about how I can keep doing it…How can I be functional…? That’s how I feel about me and my attitude towards working, plus finding out my little brother is still talking shit about me, hurts. Being 18 doesn’t mean to be rude. Teenagers are still not excused and their actions hurt more than often. I might have to be careful around him now…just because of how he’s acting but it’s no surprise that with how we were both raised that he’d act like this. I am just sadden that he would take shots at me when I have been the least offending person to him. It hurts but knowing that he won’t go into the Marines and not the active service but reserves until October makes me think that he wasn’t ready to go. He stalled and stalled all because of his girlfriend, who is nice and sweet but he’s not. I love my little brother to death, it’s just that what he says or does hurts. Teenage years can suck sometimes but they don’t have to be the worst years of anyone’s life.


Me as Usagi Tsukino
I hate how I look only because I am so self critical and can see all the flaws on me. I’m too fat. I am working to remedy that with exercise and change in diet, but it’s difficult with these medications and not wanting to feel pressured to be look a certain way plays into the whole self hate narrative. I guess that’s what I have to deal with and learn to love myself because it never has happened before. I always was treated terribly and made to feel the same, too. I guess getting out of the self hate cycle is difficult when all I have ever done was put myself down and made myself feel worthless. That should change and it has been with my husband’s encouragement to love or even like myself a little bit.

In the end, we all strive to do more for ourselves than anyone…that we often leave out what we want. What we truly need and deserve as people and sometimes we don’t get what we want or deserve and that makes life harder than ever. Makes life a bit more drafty with all the thing that we could have had but didn’t, but what we really forget is the fact that we must do things for ourselves in order to live and thrive as people, as human beings. I guess, it’s harder to explain these things but I know someone will understand how I feel towards this particular subject but at alas, I know things aren’t always what they seem to be.


Posted on June 15th, 2017 in Blog, pictures by Michelle. 4 Comments

Posted on June 17th, 2017, at 8:01 am by Yuki Motokane.

Thank you for reminding me that we have to put ourselves first sometimes before others 🙂 I keep forgetting that. It’s so sad to know that your little brother is doing that to you, I hope he changes as he grows older.

Posted on June 18th, 2017, at 8:38 pm by Eirene.

“You must love yourself”
What more can I say?
You don’t need to change. Just be kinder to yourself. You deserve good things.

Posted on June 19th, 2017, at 7:54 pm by Deanna.

Keep working on becoming the best version of yourself. There comes a point in your life where you stop worrying about what other people think of you and just do what makes you happy. That has been the best thing about getting older so far lol.

Posted on June 21st, 2017, at 5:49 pm by Kim.

I still consider 28 to be very young, so you have lots of time to grow and develop some self-love! 🙂 I sincerely hope your relationship with your brother gets better. For years, my cousins (all male) used to be mean, but I find that they’re starting to mellow out now and become nicer. Stuff like that probably takes time… We’re all developing at our own pace! (Even you and even your brother!)
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