On Turning 28

What did I expect in my 28 years of life when my birthday hits on August 8th? What did I want in my life that I couldn’t get when I was 27? Somehow, I understand that my journey is different than others and all that jazz but in the end, it’s what it means to me that matters. 28 is close to 30. Mid point in my life and that’s coming up and what did I do before turning 28? A lot of things like know my limits as a person and figuring out what I have to do with recovery. Recovery is a trick of a word and it means a lot of work on not only on my part but my tools’ part aka medication and therapy. I can’t say for certain where my road to life leads me but it’s something good for sure. I have all the support I need from online and offline friends and I couldn’t be grateful!

28 is a significant number to me and a bigger one since again it’s close to 30 and everyone dreads 30 as an age, but it’s wisdom that goes along with the age even if not many people reach that age in their minds. 30 is just a few years to me now and while I know and am frightened of being 30 since death becomes closer but I will live as best as I can. It’s frightening to think about death but I have a long ways to go and hope that I can experience and love all the same. Sure there have been changes in a lot of my years growing up like moving to three new places together with my husband though at the time we were still dating and finding out that each place save for this time wasn’t good. I had a lot of birthdays pass and each time I fought back the thoughts that I wasn’t going anywhere with my life and that’s true to a lot extent but somehow, I knew that I had to try for my sake and the outcomes haven’t been good but I at least tried working this year and tried functioning but there’s too much that needs to be dealt with like the suspected ADHD that I might have which could explain all the unresolved anxiety in me that pills cannot take away.

Plus even though I did go down in weight, it is an impossibility that I can lose anymore due to medication despite me trying so hard with my diet and exercise. In the end, if it isn’t resolved by 2019, then I’ll go through with having kids at my weight regardless of the consequences. By that time, I might find a better OBGYN and find one that is more sympathetic to me and how I want to start a family but in the end, 28 years is still too short of a life to get anywhere meaningful at least for me since I have encountered many setbacks like my mental illness and my nonfunctioning self. I hope by the end of the year and even nearer to my 29th birthday that I have something accomplished because for now? I have nothing. I may have a wonderful husband but that relationship has been tested brutally and harshly this year and by becoming 28, then I can be a better person for him and myself. Not an easy task to do with everything against me. I wish I had hope in something but it’s difficult to when I am swimming against the current most of the time. Mental illness for most of my life didn’t interfere in my life until after I hit puberty and then, there’s no reason why or silver lining to it. It just happens by a roll of the dice and I ran against genetics which weren’t in my favor.

But I am trying to be more positive about life and myself in general and yet, it’s easy to slip back into the patterns of negativity and sadness. I hope I can conquer or manage it.

I hope I gave my anxieties about turning 28 makes sense and can be related too by many people and that becoming 30 isn’t a death sentence nor is finding yourself in your 20’s. I hope by this new age that I find more wisdom and maturity to deal with my issues that come along.

Posted on July 29th, 2017 in Blog by Michelle. 7 Comments

Posted on July 30th, 2017, at 11:59 pm by stevevhan.

Happy Birthday

Glad that i am not the only one thinking about turning 30. Our 20’s are really a lot to handle, but hey! maybe we’re doing well?

Posted on July 31st, 2017, at 12:32 am by Hiro.

27 was my “oh shit” year for me. It was when 30 was closer than 20 (I guess 26 was so close to 25 that I was still more in the “mid 20’s mindset”), and I realized I really didn’t have that many more years left until I hit the big 3-0. I heard 30’s not that big of a deal at all (literally “just a number”), but it still feels like a big milestone when I’m looking at it.
28 didn’t hit me like 27 did. I just… Kind of had the birthday, and forgot about it. But now I’m a whole year closer to 30, and my mom was pregnant with me around now of my age. People my age are making 6 figures, going into managerial positions, getting engaged/married, having kids. I just feel so behind on “Life” and Work sometimes. But then I tell myself the only person I’m racing against is myself… I derailed from the conventional “railroad track” when I got ill, so there’s no use in comparing myself to people around me only similar to me by the numbers that signify my age…
I think we’ll both keep on ambling along at our own paces, having set backs and random boosts, and we’ll get where we need to be, when it’s right for us. 🙂 Happy almost-birthday!
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Posted on July 31st, 2017, at 1:08 am by Edel.

Strange, I feel the same despite being a couple years younger than you. I feel a little bit desparate to be living at a certain standard that other people my age seem to be hitting. Right now my energy is focused on graduating, getting that first real job, and discovering who I am. It might not seem like a lot but to me it’s super daunting. I don’t even really know what I want in life so your goals like having children seem so far out right now. I do hope that your 28th year will be your year to grow and accomplish things! Best of luck. 🙂
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Posted on July 31st, 2017, at 4:23 pm by Cassidy.

I love this reflection! Even though you’ve been having setbacks, I’m so glad that you’re still trying and you’ll continue to try. I really admire your resilience Michelle.

I still have a long ways to go before I get to my 30s but and I’m certainly not looking forward to that. I’m going to try and make the most of my 20s and really make sure I get the most out of them.
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Posted on August 3rd, 2017, at 4:04 am by Brandy.

I was born on May 28th, so my 28 was my golden year. Although I wish I could say that, because my health kind of spiraled out of control.

Happy Birthday! Enjoy when August 8th rolls around. 🙂

Psst. I nominated you for the Liebster award.
http://bran.nu/the-liebster-award-round-2/
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Posted on August 3rd, 2017, at 3:25 pm by Sakura.

Happy advanced birthday!

Posted on August 3rd, 2017, at 3:26 pm by Amy.

I loved reading this post, Michelle! I always reflect on the year when my birthdays coming up. Hope you enjoy being 28 and get everything you’re hoping for!
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