Heavy Weights Of The Dreamscape

Lately, I have been mired in bad destructive habits like self harm and while I did do it, I have a lot to work on as a person: my self esteem and self confidence that I need to believe in and stop second guessing myself. But there are times the sky feels cool and the world is quiet along with a mind that dances softly in the breezes, that I feel all right and that I can manage living and maybe being functional, one day. I know that if I have a good feel of what being functional entails, that I can do it and somehow have good two weeks in a row and those are goals that I have; that I can face the world that has stress and hardships and not be deterred by them. We are heavy weights in the lovely dreamscape that we only created from the distortions in our minds but it doesn’t have to be bad at all, it can be good and sometimes they are a little too good to be true. I know goals are the way to the go but never did anyone tell me the difficulty there would be navigating life and the squalls that it offers.

But the week has been good since I took care feeding and taking out the dogs and cats that belong to my neighbor because she went away to spread her mom’s ashes in the ocean. I know the feeling of having a bad relationship with a parental unit aka my mother as my neighbor did with her own mother. It’s always too hard to put in words that despair brings when parents and children don’t get along. I know that I have a very toxic relationship with my mother and while I want to rid of her eventually, I can’t. My husband makes me hang on for the sake if I burn that bridge, there’s no going back and my mother will be lonely and I love her dearly. The conflicts. I had a good week though, I had a good week of no spending money or hurting myself anymore because I can’t keep on doing it because there is consequences to it all and even if I were on all medication and doing therapy more times a week, it doesn’t mean a damn thing if I don’t try and work along the tools I have.

Games were the second thing I did: Finished Persona 3, Persona 4 Golden and am playing Persona 5.

From left to right: Persona 3(blue),5(red), and 4(yellow)
So, I have been putting myself face forward in conquering many other games too; Like Pokemon Black 2 and even Final Fantasy IV on GBA. I guess in the end, I am loving the time I have and won’t dare to spoil it anymore. Plus, I saw the biggest web ever hanging between the two beams of my porch. Enjoy the freakish big spider that came at night and left in the morning. I think it’s the same spider I saved a few weeks ago. It certainly looks like it. The web is beautiful though even if you don’t like spiders or bugs in general and plus, spiders gave way to Spiderman!

Posted on August 5th, 2017 in Blog, pictures by Michelle. 5 Comments

Posted on August 6th, 2017, at 8:01 am by Sakura.

I love Korea and have visited 3 times so far. I’m thinking of flying to Korea for the 4th time too. ­čÖé
Sakura recently posted…Compilation of my Korea trip 2016My Profile

Posted on August 6th, 2017, at 6:20 pm by Ongaku.

Family is always a hard thing to deal with because you love them but they hurt you and sometimes get toxic with the way they are around you. The feels. X_X I’ve never played any of those games before. I don’t really play games though because I suck at them, big time. The art is always fascinated me though,

Posted on August 7th, 2017, at 12:30 pm by Maroon Caludin.

Yay for progress on games! Yuck, spiders…never was a fan! *hides*

Posted on August 8th, 2017, at 10:15 am by Cristina Cocioab─â.

I know your relationship with your mom is hard, but you have to ignore her. To not let her take control over you. She has her own reality and probably she doesn’t realize what she’s doing. No matter hoe much you hurt probably she can’t understand it.

Happy Birthday and be strong <3
Cristina Cocioab─â recently posted…We are all the sameMy Profile

Posted on August 9th, 2017, at 8:22 am by Amy.

Hope you’re okay, Michelle! It can’t be easy to deal with all that. I’m sorry you don’t have the best relationships with your family. Good luck getting everything sorted and hope you’ve enjoyed Persona – it sounds like a great series!
Amy recently posted…Life Catch-Up: July 2017My Profile