Underwater With A Fever

So, I’m battling a low grade fever and a bacterial upper respiratory infection which isn’t fun to say the least though the sweats and chills aren’t very nice, either. Somehow the sickness just crept up on me and started innocently enough with my throat swelling and feeling like shards of glass was in there and somehow going to ears and making them red and puffy; Because ears, nose and throat are connected to each other and why would there be a doctor that specialized in that if they weren’t? Because of this, I’m trying to keep up with responsibilities but that’s going down by the waist side and it’s sucking badly. I hate that I feel like shit and exhausted because I only got an hour of sleep but somehow, I can’t run from my own responsibilities with the dogs and somehow that can prepare me for motherhood because no matter how much I feel sick, kids go first. Their needs over mine at least when it comes to taking care of them.

Normally my temperature is about 97.6
I guess a lot of people don’t realize what you sacrifice when you have kids and pets. That me time but it’s worth it to have companions in pets and have a new life when it comes to kids. This is preparing me and I am grateful at weird intervals but the shots I got on the butt were terrible: steroid and antibiotics but more antibiotics are following shortly. I feel sneezy, chilly, exhausted, and am sweating up a storm. Yeah, low grade fever indeed. How fast illness comes by and strikes you down and in the transition of summer to fall. I know that this summer hasn’t been the worst with the rain and now, Harvey the fucking hurricane. I am sad that it happened in Houston and surrounding areas. I have family there on my father’s side and hope for the best it’s still affecting all around even in the DFW area with the sudden raining and storming. I don’t complain because we need rain but not at this expense of people’s and animals’ lives. What made me mad most of all is the fact that pet owners left their dogs to fend for themselves in the raising waters and some died, too and some were rescued but in the end, if you don’t wanna take the time to treat your pet especially dogs with respect and leave them to die, you’re scum, though the stories of people drowning are sad.

Apparently, I was being ignored by a good friend because I managed to hurt feelings on Facebook about Republicans and it wasn’t pretty but she finally spoke to me about it. I apologized and said in general it was wrong of me to lump people that voted Republicans as bad people. I am easily manipulated by people and it’s my own fault, too. She realized that our friendship mattered more and thus we stayed friends. I just have a bad opinion about the Republican Party in general, that’s all from their policies and to their attacks on civil liberties and rights of people of color.

Previous entry mentioned that I got a movement disorder from my antipsychotic Latuda and I was honest about with my Nurse Practitioner so I was switched to another antipsychotic because I still have paranoid thoughts. It sucks badly that I get the feeling that everyone is conspiring against me when it is further from the truth. Love when my brain hurts me. Love having a mental illness-NOT. Trying to get SSI from the government which is Supplemental Security Income which can be helpful in our tight one income household plus, I can’t really work with my history and mental illness, so next Monday, I’ll be talking to my therapist and express my desire to do this. I need this to work out, I really do.

New antipsychotic
I finally penned a important letter to my little brother in the Marines’ Boot Camp in California and told that I am the way I am for a reason and explained to him the best I could about mom and I and how we were shaped but regardless our actions cannot be excused when we hurt people like mom has. I hope he writes back or at least can understand where I am coming from because a lot of the time, his words did hurt and he came from ignorance about what I went through but maybe it was my fault, too. I didn’t tell him but how could I describe it in words? Let alone spoken words? So, I wrote him on a Mickey and Minnie Mouse note pad and told him the truth of mom’s past, at least a little of it when dad was hitting mom and how he doesn’t remember that and thank god, he doesn’t. Still, I hope he understands and know that I love my brother for life because even though I was always stuck with him and wanted a sister (oh boy) I’ve learned to accept my little brother as he is and his girlfriend is nice though she’s still upset and sad about his leaving. I think he’ll do fine in the Marines as I thought and he’ll go to school and benefit when I couldn’t since I have mental problems sadly. Still, I am happy he took this chance and just did what was necessary to move on with his life.

I am proud of that brat little brother of mine and I love him dearly and even enclosed the picture of him and me when he was still a month old. He was born in Jan of ’99 so I definitely remember mom in the hospital and I remember him coming home and I remember asking for a sibling because I was lonely and wanting a sister but glad I have a little brother now. I appreciate him better and though we can be different in temperament and mindset, we still love each other and that’s the good kind of support I need.

Jose and I are doing fine and I’m keeping myself occupied with other things and not really spending much which is good. He loves me and is a good person but he has a lot of problems but so do I. I guess we’ll continue to work on it and stay in love at the same time. Love that fishie of mine.

New layout coming, too.

Posted on August 29th, 2017 in Blog, pictures by Michelle. 4 Comments

Posted on August 30th, 2017, at 5:01 am by Britney.

Hopefully you feel better soon. I haven’t been sick in a long time, and hopefully it stays that way.

Posted on August 31st, 2017, at 9:47 am by Kim.

I’m really sorry that you’re not well, I’ve been to many ear, nose and throat specialists in my life and had to have my tonsils out when I was 12. Unfortunately that means any infections I get now go lower and I’m currently sick with another throat infection. 🙁

That’s great that you opened up to your brother in a letter. Hopefully he’ll understand.
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Posted on August 31st, 2017, at 9:48 pm by Kenny.

I hope you feel better soon, Michelle.

I find writing a letter to someone you’re having issues with very cathartic even if you don’t send it to them. I’ve written a few, and I always feel better in the end.
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Posted on September 1st, 2017, at 12:36 am by Ongaku.

Having a low grade fever really sucks! I feel for you. I saw you were sick on facebook. I hope you recover quickly! ♥