My husband, Jose got sick, too and so he’s been staying home from work for at least 4 days in a row now and while it’s bad, at least he gets paid on his sick days or else we’d be in trouble: but still, what’s up with Texas’ weather, huh? Like I’ve stated previously stated in my last entry, everyone is sick, everyone I know, too. At least, I got to spend more time with him and just have a better relationship with him, because our 4th anniversary is coming up…oh my god, how is that happening so fast? The sense of naivete is slowly fading away and surely and surely, I am finding a wonderful feeling like love is worth fighting and preserving entirely. How in the world is everything changing so fast around me? I am trying to smell the flowers and yet, the world metamorphosis so fast, that it’s becoming a even gentler and even worse thing to be living in, and yet the struggle is gorgeous and worth striving for. Perfection doesn’t belong nor do it need to be obtained for mistakes, frailties and even failures makes us work all harder for our dreams. I know the unobtainable things feel the worst so far away but in the end, it’s worth going and risking everything for those things, those moments that sparkle in your eyes, that lightens your heart, and makes your breath become almost a whisper. A whisper that only the tangible elements of the universe can speak and only then, it’s riddles and boggles the mind to know the true meaning of. Love is wholly realized and wholly almost pure in its form.
Love is wholly what you make it out to be and what you look for.
I guess in the end, love and life go hand in hand and not just the strong survive it, but the weak too. It gives wings and even strength of the heart to pursue even the most ardent and unquenchable feelings you have. You feel yourself lighter and lighter till not even gravity makes sense and the universe bends to you, and matter escapes from the palm of your hands, and to me, that’s the love I seek, the love I have. The love that keeps coming back even if I retreat in pain and anguish because I know it’s meant to be. Whether or not you believe in predetermination, fate, or any of those things, love is worth seeking out just for the joy of life.
Regardless, the paperwork is done, and my little brother at age 18 is an official Marine, though I feel very strongly against Trump and all the injustices he stands for and the people that rally behind him…I don’t want my brother to leave, to die, to be harmed and yet, he sealed himself because our parents couldn’t be loving and supportive as they should be, well my mother anyways, but my brother wants a life, a career and the military is the only way to live those dreams out and so I support and salute him highly, but knowing he’ll leave after graduation bums me out greatly. August. It’s not that far away now, and somehow I feel self centered to let him go to anywhere dangerous when the government clearly doesn’t care for its soldiers and such. It feels like every bad thing is snowballing into something worse and I have to have a damage report every morning to find the pain and division growing immensely.