I got sick again but with what? Tonsillitis. I seem to be getting sick due to the frenzy of changing weather down here in Texas and in my area, too. Damn, it really sucks that I keep having to get antibiotics for some kind of problem but it happens sadly. I guess in all honesty that I am too sensitive to the weather changing a lot more than most people but that’s okay because my immune system is too lazy to fight whatever is going on. I am slowly feeling my way back to my old self and besides that, I can actually eat food again and not feel so much pain in my throat and also my tonsils but if it continues then….I don’t wanna think of the ‘and then’ part honestly, because I was told that kind of surgery is harder on adults than children. Boohoo. Also, I dealt with another crisis at home with Marley. She had a lot of blockage and for a dog, that’s not a good thing and so she wasn’t using the restroom properly or at all. I started freaking out and just being hysterical and even lashing out to my husband (which isn’t good) but I was soon calmed down by trying methods like Olive Oil to help Marley’s blockage. Hours later and BOOM!
She’s getting back to normal and no going to the vet. They would probably tell us what we already knew and we didn’t want to hear it and their method may and if I believe quite expensive too and we can’t afford that now. At least, Marley is doing better now and getting herself dirty in the process. She’s so sweet and if something preventable happened to her….I dare not type it because I feel-no, I know my heart would wither and die. I don’t and can’t see how I could keep loving dogs like I love Marley.
Please do expect a new layout soon.
But I guess I need to pull it together and not stress or worry so much about bad situations because they will come with kids, which has been pushed up to maybe the end of this year and beginning of next, but I do need to get my doctors on board and that’s intimidating honestly. I have been doing better with my impulsiveness and just all around jittery feeling because it was ruling my life and also no more panic attacks at night! I guess the reason for this need to have kids is because my husband is 5 years older than me and by the time 2019 rolls around…well…I do want to be a mom and I do want to have children despite a lot of family saying I shouldn’t because of the mental illness I suffer from but don’t we all suffer from some pre existing condition? No person is a 100% pure really and if they are…were they hiding out for so long under the ground or something?
My point being is that it’s a personal decision that me and my husband have made and to do this cleanly then we need to be honest. Sure, I have high blood pressure but there are meds for that no doubt for pregnancy and I know that my case will be okay in the meantime but I think motherhood could be a good thing for me because it’s been a dream to have kids at least because I never felt destined to take any other profession or cause.
It’s just a dream but that doesn’t make me anti-feminism does it? I don’t think so. This week will be busy with me talking to doctors including my gynecologist and even psychiatrist because I have to be watched carefully. I am wonderful with children and I know that I can provide more to the table than my own parents did but I am nervous about screwing it up or having messed up kids and them having mental illness; but I guess it’s true, you can’t choose your genes but you can take a risk and be something you’d only dream of. This week I really need to talk to my doctors and my husband earnestly and decide on a time frame and get it done. Just wish us luck as we continue on our journey!