I don’t think I can post up any pictures but I wanted to at least give something of an update this new month…
I’m dealing with death from someone that was my confidant and helped me and happened to be a licensed clinical social worker…she died unexpectedly last Sunday, and I’ve been besides myself with not only grief but anguish at it. It was different when my cousin died because I wasn’t dealing with the fallout of my actions from posting online about it, however vague about death, I still was dealing with that nonsense. Now, this is where I am at and dealing with and it’s difficult to piece together my thoughts and even write this blog post without wanting to cry.
I don’t honestly know what to do other than continue finding someone else to help me with the grief as this was quite sudden but I guess, I need to still take care of my mental well being no matter what. Grief is paramount to deal with when this is where life goes to at the end: death. I didn’t want to exist because of the many challenges and many abuses thrown my way and inflicted upon me by my parents and family to the point of the trauma causing mental illness. I can’t say too much about because, I leave my Instagram to really talk about that sort of thing in a public setting.
At least, my relationship with my husband is doing better.
No spending money.
Just doing what it takes to earn back his trust and confidence.
The whole baby thing? It’s possible because of the regularity of my periods…and besides, my family on both sides are known to have more than 8+ kids, so, it’s very wonderful dream of mine to have kids and be a mother but in the meantime, I’ll continue working and continue doing my best no matter what despite the troubles I always face.
I have a lot of swimming thoughts but it’s too incoherent for me to form words, so thank you for understanding at least and sticking by me no matter what, friends!