It’s October, already! Whoa, what happened to the year so far? Where has it gone? I swear that it was January last week and now, it’s October and nearing the end of the year, which is weird considering all the events of 2020 so far-not even mentioning the pandemic and the early weeks of it and how has my life has changed? Just a bit. Work is good and I’ve been doing good despite the many panic attacks happening and nightmares that are bothering me each and every morning and I wonder if it has to do with extensive therapy sessions every Monday at 9am.

I hate how it’s going on and how difficult it has been for me to really put the lessons of therapy for myself, and I’ve been talking to my therapist for maybe a few months or so? Maybe. Having BPD has made a lot of things tougher than I realized and really does effect my interpersonal relationships with people etc; I honestly don’t know how I’m doing at the very end. Hopefully, I feel or get a clue to feeling better.

Then I decided to play some PSP games and if you remember this portable system from Sony, then you know that it failed but it still had a lot of great games and I have a lot of the Persona games that aren’t 4, and 5. I’ve been playing Persona 1. It’s really different from 3 and on ward but it’s great none the less if one gives it a try.

Then some other bad news with my back and how it’s getting worse at only age 31, I have the options of getting back surgery, which is only 50-50 on it working for me, or gastric bypass to lose the weight that hurting and crippling my back. Surgery is just frightening to me and all those times that people talked about my weight..in such a negative way, I’m scared of everything. I guess I didn’t feel ready for any of this and yet, I have no choice now.

Also, it’s getting colder here…

 


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12 days ago

Hi! Hope all is well <3 if you can update starhaze to heartbliss.net that would be awesome! we’ve moved 😀

12 days ago

btw you comment text when i type in is white so i can’t see what i am typing in

6 days ago

I think therapy is meant in a ways to be tough on us, to help us push past those boundaries that we are unable or too scared to go past. I am not sure however that they should be causing nightmares and panic attacks (if I read that correctly) though, I can’t imagine that is too helpful.

Making health decisions is always hard. I can only imagine how hard it would be between two surgeries or contuing as is. Sometimes it’s good to go over everything again with your doctor and see if there are any things that they’ve missed as far as treatment options.

I know I thought I had exhausted evey option I had been provided with my chronic hip pain. I kept saying no to a cortisone shot because I heard horror stories but I finally gave in and low and behold it’s actually working.

If that’s not the case then I would just do some research on the two options and try and determine which one would be best for you. Back surgery is major and a long recovery time for instance, but what about the gastric bypass? Is it as dangerous or as long of a recovery time (I honestly don’t know, just saying that’s what you have to ask yourself).

I hope that you can continue to work on getting everything sorted out. Struggling sucks.

PS – I have decided to switch my personal blog over to lifewithkadie.com for now if you want to update your link. Not sure what I am going to do with storyboutagirl.org (I just know I am not getting rid of it).

1 day ago

Hi Michelle. Apologies for my excessive abence, but I’m back and glad to see you are still blogging. I’ve always enjoyed your posts :3

Seeing Persona on the screen made me laugh quite a bit. I’m almost done with Persona 5 on PS4, finally cracked and bought a used one. Having always been partial to my xbox and the plethora of games I have, never really saw the need to save up for a playstation, but then I saw gameplay for a few exclusives and had to get one, lol.
So far I like it, but it’s still not my xbox.

I wish it was getting cold here. Being in west Texas means we don’t really get changing seasons 🙁 Thoughit has been in the 70s and 80s all week so I shouldn’t complain. A sight better than last months 100 degree days. When I am financially stable I swear I’ll be looking for a new home with actual seasons *lol*