So, sorry for the longest absence for this blog…you see a lot of things were happening in just a span of weeks or even longer(like nearly 2 months) and it has been causing so many health issues. Remember when I mentioned that my jaw was paining me and I thought it was mumps? It wasn’t. I have TMJ:
The temporomandibular joint is the joint that connects your jaw to your skull. When this joint is injured or damaged, it can lead to a localized pain disorder called temporomandibular joint (TMJ) syndrome.
It can happen for a lot of reasons: misalignment of the jaw or the teeth not lining up and so what does that mean for me? My TMJ was so bad that I couldn’t speak for a week and also the pain waxes and wanes like the moon, which sucks bad time and pain in the jaw is fucking excruciating. Never want that kind of pain because honestly, it stops you from doing everything and thus, I have lost a bit of weight because with the pain comes the not eating much. Talking, chewing, drinking or anything else that makes my jaw open up will make it worse and now that I saw my ENT about it and he referred me to a TMJ specialist which was a dentist and today they did the consultation which was free. The rest? It was 844 dollars and the office was out of network so we had to apply for a credit card called Credit Care and charge the card for that amount but luckily there is no interest unless we don’t pay back in 12-24 months which is great and many places take it.
The 844 dollars covers the TMJ splint that will go in my mouth and also other visits I need.
I want others to be kind to each other and know that we all have hidden battles that we all don’t know about-for each and everyone of ourselves. Remember be kind.
Though, this Halloween, my husband’s and I’s annual Halloween party is canceled because of finances and because no one really shows up because I guess we don’t have friends? Yeah, they pretty much hate me or don’t bother to connect. It hurts when I am also their friends too but even worse because I believed in them and took them as they were and now, they hate me or worse tolerate me. I got so much ire from my husband’s best friends’ friends that I had to block some because they never liked any of my comments despite my SJW attitude. Yes, I am one because it just makes sense but I don’t intend to attack people because I still wanna assess the situation as best as I can. I wanna go in there with a clear head but not always as I am only human as the cliched goes. I make the biggest mistakes and tend to be selfish like my mother which I hate to admit.
It takes a lot for me to say that I might be like my mother as I use her techniques as a coping skill to use people and I hate how I rely on it so much. It is mind boggling to say the least and I hate being thought as my mother whom, has not paid the remaining cell phone bill and shut out of my life a few months ago. I miss the relationships I could have had with my parents and know taht I am alone because my in laws don’t accept me except my father in law and I had to explain myself to my brother in law but it is okay, they leave me out with them all talking Spanish which I don’t know. I hate being left out but that’s how it is.
I was worried about the costs of medical procedures as my insurance (despite being the best and most expensive) wouldn’t cover that much unless we met our deductible but a best friend of my husband’s stepped up and said he’d help out if needed. Kind offer but my pride won’t let me accept it as I hate “owing” to anyone even if they insist on us not to pay back, though I certainly feel like I don’t matter enough to be helped in that manner so that type of kindness baffles me greatly. I guess it is nice, but I am not used to this happiness or compassion from anyone but it’s nice to have a real friend. He really loves us a lot and we love him in return. It’s nice to have great friends when you find them.
What I really want to say is: Anything is possible with people because they are so unpredictable and complicated that you don’t know where you will fall: for instance I thought my friendship was over with someone I knew for awhile, but we stayed together and apologized to each other and am so happier for it. I hate leaving relationships on bad notes because I definitely know what it feels to have regret and it is the worst out of anything because you crave that second chance to fix everything that went wrong, and now that everything is better, it eases me greatly.
Sometimes people surprise you in a good way. Sometimes you need to trust them,too.