Posted on June 24th, 2020 in blog
Things have definitely changed for the better but what do I mean? Work, home life and relationships have been better as I’m trying to curb my impulses on spending money and ruining relationships with not only my husband but my aunt, whom, has been like a mother to me when my own biological mother has failed, abused, and bullied me all the while trying to destroy my marriage because she disapproved of my husband, Jose.
All because he wasn’t to her “standards” and it’s ridiculous, but what matters that I hardly talk to her and never see it because she professes that she hates my dog’s hair but hating my dogs, and in general animals.
It’s been that long
She doesn’t like animals at all, and that should be telling of her, regardless, I’m doing better and being honest with myself and my husband. I’m not spending anymore and if I do, it’s always with permission and never behind my husband’s back or lying about it. And in short, it’s better, way better because honestly, I’ve been with him since 2007-2008 range and married since 2013. It’s been a ride and I’m grateful to have a partner that loves and is devoted to me selflessly and endlessly.
I need to be stronger for myself and him, and I’m doing that by excusing myself from the processes that lead me astray. Work is fine. It’s chaotic then it’s not even if Texas is opened up, it’s still bullshit because there are more and more cases of COVID-19, and our governor Abbott is more about the economy than people’s lives or at least he thinks along with the Lt. Governor Patrick, that it’s fine. It’s not but I keep saying because no one is taking this seriously anymore including our President. Fuck him. Fuck him with a stick. I’m sorry. He’s a reprehensible human being.
Me with my mask
But my physical health isn’t great as stated in my previous entry, that I may need surgery in my neck though I’m not sure. I’m not too sure and won’t know until the 29th when I go back to see him and the results come back in. I’m nervous as hell but I am feeling better due to the shots in my back which I have gotten many times over and while they can be scary for some people, they aren’t for me as I am not scared of needles nor blood but, I don’t like the pain of them going in despite it being minuscule, as I hate pain in general. It doesn’t do anything for me other than cause me misery. Let’s hope I get good news eventually or at least news that I can deal with.
Then it was Father’s Day and like my mother, he’s never been there and the only father figure I had died and another one took advantage of me and I owe 300 dollars to one bank because of him using me and putting me as his wife, when I never consented to it. Or at least remember asking that to be done. IN the end, I’m meaningful and know that I have value and am valid in feeling like I do despite what others say or do towards me. Though work at WinCo is great and I can get FMLA-ADA leave for anything health related which I’ll need again if my results prove to be bad and I need surgery.
WinCo’s decoration for Father’s Day