May Not

Posted on August 12th, 2014 in Blog, Uncategorized by Michelle. 4 Comments

 Trigger Warnings


So, you’ve heard by now, the death of Robin Williams, and the awful circumstances of it. Suicide. Suicide. I’ve talked a lot of my own struggles with mental illness and what I’m going through. As you know, (reminding) I have Bipolar Disorder Type 2 and PTSD, and so that becomes a very interesting combination of things. A very interesting combination that scorns and hurts me at times, but also the fact that it proves to be my greatest strength. How is that? It just makes me stronger, and makes me aware of the suffering of others.

Remember the old saying, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ? Well, it couldn’t be more true for everyone, also, I’m just naturally kind. I don’t like being mean, but the fact is that I have trouble saying no, but I finally conquered that. I said no to my friend, and it was a small thing, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just because I felt sorry for him. I couldn’t bother with it anymore. I just have to keep practicing and applying it more to my life. I just have a new wholesome meaning to that phrase and the power of “no”. 

I talk about my own mental health through my Instagram and Facebook. While it can be scary and I’ve gotten weird phone calls from my dad, it must be done. I am the face of mental illness. I am, and so are you. Also an achievement popped up for me recently.

The achievement of being a month free of suicidal and self harm thoughts, and that’s awesome, that’s a first step to finally functioning as a decent human being. I’m so happy for myself. Though, there is a lot of things that should be changed in the mental health field, I find even through the lacking, that people genuinely care. That they want to do good, despite all the bad through everything.

So, it’s been a month since I entered the halls of Millwood, since I struggled with my own two feet, but with those feet, I learned to walk again. They helped me see the light. Somehow, even when I have a bad day, I can’t help but think back to those same halls and see how they’ve changed me. It is underestimated, but they really do help.

Mental hospitals are there to help, and I hope with Robin Williams, that mental illness/depression will be talked about, that a dialogue will open up, because it’s so important to realize that these things affect us so deeply. We only have one life, and we should be treated right, regardless of how we are feeling. I know that much, and I know that we all the right to get help and feel better, regardless of what happens to us in the past. We have the future to look forward to, and the present is happening now. We must seize it.

I just hope everyone realizes that depression/mental illness is deadly and that death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem., and just know that I’m here to talk if anything should happen. If anything should hurt, I’m there. Don’t be afraid to reach out to family or friends, even if they don’t understand. Make them understand. Make them realize how serious this is. Mental health is important and shouldn’t be forgotten. If you don’t have that, you have nothing. Just know that this journey is perilous and fraught with obstacles that hurt inside and out, but that pain is necessary.

So my experiences at the hospital consisted of group therapy (which was immensely helpful) and they taught us basic and advanced life skills for dealing with the stressors and outside life.

On the plus side, I’m skilled at cards again. So, it’s been one month since I hurt myself or threatened to. It’s been one month, and I couldn’t be prouder of myself. It is a journey that I’m willing to undertake until it’s gone from psyche.

Also, I’m done with this, but on the 20th is when classes get paid and I get my refund to get my books. That’s going to be awesome. On the 25th, I go back to school, and then on the 29th, I have a psychological evaluation waiting for me. It is to help me see what services I need.



“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I love that quote, because we all have our own struggles and most of the time, we put on a nice, smiling, facade so that no one really knows whats going on. :/

*HUGS* I am so proud of you Michelle for how far you’ve come and how far you will still go! I think that at some part of their life, everyone struggles with some type of mental health/illness, whether it be depression or something else. It’s a serious issue and one that most people don’t talk about and won’t talk about. Robin Williams was a great mean and he will be dearly missed. <3

(P.S. I know I missed your birthday… so HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!)

Posted on August 13th, 2014, at 6:01 PM by Holly.

I was so shocked by the death of Robin Williams. It really does make you realise that the people who you think have it all, don’t.

I think it’s great that you can talk about things like this so openly. I think the more we hide issues of suicide and depression the harder it makes it to talk about. Keep up the good work!

Posted on August 14th, 2014, at 3:54 AM by Agent Q.

One progress after another, it brings in some ray of hope seeing people conquering their obstacles. And may I add that I love the quote on kindness? Kindness and patience go hand in hand, especially since we’re on the topic of mental illness. We need to be more open and willing to discuss this, otherwise more people would suffer in silence. This kind of thing doesn’t discriminate based on superficial factors. A supportive network is necessary, and the responsibility goes both ways. Those affected should feel comfortable and safe discussing this openly, and the rest of us should listen with open arms. You are doing your part by speaking honestly about your experiences. We’ve seen how your resilience has pulled you through and will continue guiding you. I deeply respect your strong character. 🙂 *Hugs*

Posted on August 17th, 2014, at 7:43 PM by Nancy.

That saying is true for so many occasions! We don’t know what struggles people are going through; sometimes, even the person who looks like they’re successful in so many aspects have secrets underneath that we don’t know about.

I’m happy that you said no to a request :). I find it hard myself to say no sometimes, mostly because I wouldn’t want to let people down, but it’s necessary sometimes. I’ve been through trouble a couple of times because I didn’t say no. Even if problems do arise from saying no, it’s nothing compared to a ‘yes’.

Congratulations on reaching a month free of those thoughts! You’re going through great progress and hope more months will come through. It sounds like you have a busy month ahead of you~