So, you’ve heard by now, the death of Robin Williams, and the awful circumstances of it. Suicide. Suicide. I’ve talked a lot of my own struggles with mental illness and what I’m going through. As you know, (reminding) I have Bipolar Disorder Type 2 and PTSD, and so that becomes a very interesting combination of things. A very interesting combination that scorns and hurts me at times, but also the fact that it proves to be my greatest strength. How is that? It just makes me stronger, and makes me aware of the suffering of others.
Remember the old saying, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ? Well, it couldn’t be more true for everyone, also, I’m just naturally kind. I don’t like being mean, but the fact is that I have trouble saying no, but I finally conquered that. I said no to my friend, and it was a small thing, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just because I felt sorry for him. I couldn’t bother with it anymore. I just have to keep practicing and applying it more to my life. I just have a new wholesome meaning to that phrase and the power of “no”.
I talk about my own mental health through my Instagram and Facebook. While it can be scary and I’ve gotten weird phone calls from my dad, it must be done. I am the face of mental illness. I am, and so are you. Also an achievement popped up for me recently.
The achievement of being a month free of suicidal and self harm thoughts, and that’s awesome, that’s a first step to finally functioning as a decent human being. I’m so happy for myself. Though, there is a lot of things that should be changed in the mental health field, I find even through the lacking, that people genuinely care. That they want to do good, despite all the bad through everything.
So, it’s been a month since I entered the halls of Millwood, since I struggled with my own two feet, but with those feet, I learned to walk again. They helped me see the light. Somehow, even when I have a bad day, I can’t help but think back to those same halls and see how they’ve changed me. It is underestimated, but they really do help.
Mental hospitals are there to help, and I hope with Robin Williams, that mental illness/depression will be talked about, that a dialogue will open up, because it’s so important to realize that these things affect us so deeply. We only have one life, and we should be treated right, regardless of how we are feeling. I know that much, and I know that we all the right to get help and feel better, regardless of what happens to us in the past. We have the future to look forward to, and the present is happening now. We must seize it.
I just hope everyone realizes that depression/mental illness is deadly and that death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem., and just know that I’m here to talk if anything should happen. If anything should hurt, I’m there. Don’t be afraid to reach out to family or friends, even if they don’t understand. Make them understand. Make them realize how serious this is. Mental health is important and shouldn’t be forgotten. If you don’t have that, you have nothing. Just know that this journey is perilous and fraught with obstacles that hurt inside and out, but that pain is necessary.
So my experiences at the hospital consisted of group therapy (which was immensely helpful) and they taught us basic and advanced life skills for dealing with the stressors and outside life.
On the plus side, I’m skilled at cards again. So, it’s been one month since I hurt myself or threatened to. It’s been one month, and I couldn’t be prouder of myself. It is a journey that I’m willing to undertake until it’s gone from psyche.
Also, I’m done with this, but on the 20th is when classes get paid and I get my refund to get my books. That’s going to be awesome. On the 25th, I go back to school, and then on the 29th, I have a psychological evaluation waiting for me. It is to help me see what services I need.