Nevermore The Fearless Vanity

Posted on November 10th, 2017 in Blog, pictures by Michelle. 4 Comments

I am literally Public Enemy Number 1, and all because I discreetly mentioned that my cousin died (no name, no picture) of possibly a suicide (from the last person that saw and spoke to my cousin, and this cousin’s last words to her younger brother) and forgetting that I am friends with my family, they all freaked as my aunt spies on me through her husband’s Facebook profile and has says stuff that makes me wonder. Sure, I haven’t posted up the most lightful things but in the end, I just have to be me. Same with my in laws as they creepily asked about my stalker issues last Thanksgiving as casual conversation and always speaks Spanish and leaves me out purposely. It is hard for anyone to accept that family or friends could be capable of suicide or attempted suicide. I don’t mean to devalue her life or its choices, but honestly, suicide is the angriest thing you could do to yourself and others.

It’s like a bomb going off and not only taking out you but others too, but in the end, nothing is worth taking your life for: no breaks up, no feelings because those things pass and in the end, you’re denying yourself the possibility to live and I’ve been there before and attempted but this is what I’ve learnt. Somehow, I decided to go to the wake and while it was sad, it was great seeing people and while I understand the pain of others, it didn’t have to happen but my cousin made a permanent decision on temporarily feelings. Believe me, I know how it feels because life has is demanding that you cannot believe and love can weaken someone. Love can be a factor in despair but you cannot falter and even in desperate situations, there is always a hope that things can get better and you gotta seize it. So, when I burn my bridges with my mother’s side of the family, I am relieved, am grateful that the extra baggage is gone.

In the end, I gotta do what is right for me and if it means burning bridges, I will do it.

Me from the Wake
So, in short, I had my closure with my cousin at the wake and am moving on. I can’t wallow forever in sorrow and while it will take others a bit to understand that, somehow, it is best to know this now than later. Of course with that business taken care of, I heard from my dad that my younger brother is coming back from boot camp.

I am happy that he’s staying until the 26th-after Thanksgiving and so that means that I’ll see him on Monday and hang out with him a lot more. I love him and so excited to see how much he has changed-from a trouble maker to a proud young man. But luckily, my good friend Parul stopped on by and we talked about a lot of things, and I was so happy because I managed to see someone other than family and my husband.

Me and Parul

Plus a new layout is coming. Yay! I can’t wait, honestly!


What an eventful and emotional week for you. There’s not much that can be said from an outsider on death and grieving, but hoping your cousin is finally resting peacefully, and your family will be able to pick up pieces and slowly move along šŸ™

Posted on November 13th, 2017, at 12:40 AM by Hiro.

Sorry to hear about your cousin. Iā€™m glad that you are moving on as well. Stay strong!

Great to be able to spend more time with your brother as well. Enjoy!

Posted on November 14th, 2017, at 2:20 PM by Sakura.

My heart goes out to you and your family, condolence. I hope you feel better now. If not, give it some time to heal your wounds. Meanwhile, you can distract yourself with positive and happy things.

It’s nice that you get to see and spend time with your brother. As a sister, we want nothing more but for them to be better and to succeed.

I’m excited to see your new layout, although your current one looks nice too, it literally looks like a diary.
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Posted on November 15th, 2017, at 8:04 AM by Senyth.

I’m sorry to hear about your cousin. Hopefully things will get better over time.

I’m glad your relationship with your brother is getting better. I remember your posts about your struggles with him.
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Posted on November 18th, 2017, at 5:39 PM by Kenny.

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