So, this whole moving thing has been rough, so rough that my nerves are shot and my depression deepen, even my therapist cites that moving is a big stressor. I guess I’m worried about the future, and all it brings. I guess I can’t help myself to think of the past in the situation, or the present. I admit which is quite silly of me, and probably doesn’t help me at all. I forget the present and focus too much on the future and the uncertainty of it. I keep forgetting to live and who are really my friends, and my family. Tonight, I was naked, and vulnerable to everyone. I admit that I had problems with self harm, and had to embarrass myself just to get a point across. It wasn’t easy but I had friends pulling for me, they got me out of my selfishness. They helped me back on the right path to healing and living.
So today or rather this week marks the 1 year anniversary of Color Musing! Woot! Isn’t that fantastic? I’ve had this blog for one whole year, and I have certainly did a lot with it. It marked anniversaries of our honeymoon in Addison, Texas, and also me out of my cast.
This blog has definitely helped me in a lot of ways, it helped me stay the course of being myself, and connecting with others, honestly. Too bad, I haven’t been well. Lashing out at the one that I love most in the world. Anger, and just sadness all around in me. That’s why things have changed for me. The threats to hurt myself despite feeling fine, despite the stress plaguing me.
Worrying about my poor mother with her ulcer. I wonder if it is less stress and more eating habits, regardless, I worry because I can’t lose anymore people. I already lost so many people, but I take it in stride and take it with a calm heart.
I think I believe there is such things as soulmates for friends, family, and romantic love. I found my romantic soul mate, and had a friendship soulmate with Sal (too bad it didn’t last), and then my family soulmate with my second dad(may he R.I.P). I didn’t mention it before on or here, but there was 3 counts of death(2 overdoses, and one murder) within a few weeks a few years ago, and I’m just learning that the killer who murdered my pastor was given the death penalty. I don’t know how I feel about the death penalty, a life for a life. Once a life is snuffed out, what can be done to bring it back?
Nothing. Haven’t we tried that idea, even shows, and animes express that. Take Fullmetal Alchemist and Brotherhood, both deal with children losing their mother and trying to get her back, only to pay a price with their bodies. When a life is gone, it is gone from the earth, but not memories.
Regardless, this week should be fun. Expect pictures of the ongoing townhouse and the decorations.
Still, I celebrate the light, celebrate the birthday of a new day.
So Happy birthday Color Musing!