Note: Sorry for the this entry in the depressive episode, but I am using my blog as a sort of mood journal for myself as well. I think that really helps. Don’t worry, I have a psychiatrist and therapist, so really I’m fine except for my relapse but that’s only one time and I’m bound/determined to get better from it.
So, things changed indeed with my pill dosage. I’m now weaning off Celexa, taking 10mg instead of 10 mg twice a day and started Lexapro 10mg at the same time. It’s going to be interesting to say the least but that’s not all that has changed. My mood stabilizer also went up to 600 mg twice a day instead of 300 mg three times a day. Woot. That means the feeling of tiredness is going to be increased. Hooray for that, but when I do find the right combination again, I should be fine. It’s just these damn side effects. I think I cried once when I saw my pills and how huge they were, but they represented far more than I realized.
TW: Cutting/Self Injury and Depression
So, I relapsed into bad habits. I think for what it’s worth, I did try to resist but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I’m going to grow from it and move on. Everyday is such a struggle but I know it’s okay to cry, to go back and be scared of change. But the thing is not to dwell on it but rather get up and go forward. I had a friend visit me yesterday and I just sobbed into his shoulder. It felt so good to cry, to let it all out. He was really there for me and I appreciate it. It’s okay to joke about these things but there is a fine line between recovery and relapse. A very fine line I walked and fell through.