Pride In The Rain

Posted on November 3rd, 2017 in Blog, pictures by Michelle. 2 Comments

Edit: I learned devastating news yesterday: My cousin N committed suicide. She would have been 27 on Jan 9th

Halloween was great despite us not having a party this year, but my good friend hosted a small party of me, my husband and her at her place and we watched amazing scary and hilarious movies: one comes to mind: Black Sheep 2006 film and uses WETA which is the special effects studio by Peter Jackson. In the end, it was great as we ate pizza, guzzled down soda and had a great time.

I decided to ditch my Freddy Krueger costume at the last moment and decided to be Cleopatra VII (the famous one) and I think it came out great!

I suck at make up 

Though as October comes to a close and November starts, I pretty much have big things coming up; For instance my EEG scheduled with the neurologist and subsquent visits afterwards, which could provide results for me, and the fact that I took a very interesting personality and/or mental health test to determine a lot of things because I suspect that my own personality is severely damaged: I might have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) which essentially is:

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental disorder marked by a pattern of ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning. These experiences often result in impulsive actions and unstable relationships. A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days.

Some people with BPD also have high rates of co-occurring mental disorders, such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders, along with substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal thinking and behaviors, and suicide.

In the end, it might be my personality and while that is a problem because a personality disorder cannot be treated the same as just as regular mental illness, as a personality disorder is the fact and essence of your emotion and mental cognitive features and people cannot change personalities unless in extreme situations like accidents or illness, which have been well documented; Look at this individual: Phineas P. Gage, he had a complete change in personality after a bad accident with at a railroad that he was working on. You can read more about him here, as it is fascinating, honestly. Personality makes up everyone and you can’t change the core features of yourself so simply, in fact that people can indeed change is rare.

My dad called me! This is news because he never calls but for the last two days, he has called me and so I called him back, apprehensive of what he’d say because his track record wasn’t good in the slightest; Like calling Pokemon the devil (I wish I made that up) and that I shouldn’t post things about myself online despite my Facebook consisting of people I either know personally from school and work and some internet friends like my host and such. People love to boss me around a lot, and it’s quite annoying, really.

He asked how I was and how everyone was and so I told him about the things that were and weren’t going on and he congratulated me on my weight loss (how could I not be happy? Though my mother in law would still gawk at me and say I’m fat instead of celebrating the progress I’ve made and encourage me more) and mentioned my grandma, whom I miss and hope to see on Thanksgiving, which would be a god send to see my dad’s side again. I guess, I’ll still go to my in laws- but briefly as my dad always cooks a lot of different food because of that, I enjoy that food instead, like on Christmas, we have Pan Con Pavo which is a turkey sandwich but more extravagant and tastes amazing!

Pan Con Pavo

Though my dad won’t be here for Christmas this year as he always goes back to El Salvador but that’s fine because one day, I’ll go back too…with Michael. I’d love to. Plus, since my iPhone 5s is getting overstuffed with my music, I am going after a iPod Touch 5th Generation 16gb-32gb, all within that range, and I think I’ve snagged one but we’ll see!

In the end, I’ll make it out fine in this month for sure, because I just know it!




I’m glad you had a great Halloween. We only gave children their treats, we didn’t dress up or anything. Oh, I miss pizza.

Good luck on your appointment. I’m glad you and your dad are getting along well nowadays. People with BPD or any disorder really need love and support from their family and friends, people shouldn’t push them away.

Good job on your weight loss. We should celebrate the little things — they matter too!

Posted on November 3rd, 2017, at 8:23 AM by Shanae.

Omg Michelle you look gorgeous in your costume! I was diagnosed with BPD at the age of 13, in part due to a lot of childhood trauma sadly, but I promise while “getting better” might be a relative term, as the years pass it gets easier to live with. You’ll learn your major “triggers” which will help you avoid a situation to exacerbate them.

And hey, as a fellow “crazy lady” I’m here for you any time my dear! Also…that food, just just that food :O