So, I have been sick with cold or allergies or maybe a combination of both? I don’t know, but I do know that it has been making me feel very crummy like and the fact that I couldn’t do much but sleep has been terribly awful. Though I managed to self sabotage again with spending money for things I didn’t need, but at the core, I’m stuck again with hating happiness and being in a very healthy relationship. I wished my mother a happy birthday and that was it. I know I don’t say much to her, so I don’t expect anything from her anymore when I live only 5 minutes away from her. Whatever, she can’t be bothered to visit and neither can I. Though there are memories of the past that come forward sometimes, I do know that I can’t rely on my memory to get me through anything. Then my new glasses are giving my outer ear a small rash but don’t worry, it is fine now. I’m not used to these new vintage glasses, but in the end, we all become accustomed to the ways of society and of our own bodies.
The beauty comes from the tragedy, pain, and heartache and it’s more amazing when the hope is born from our untangled souls; nothing can stop me from thinking that even there is some silver linings to things even if I don’t want to admit or see them. Yes, I’m alive and was from that car accident in December 2015, but in the end, despite the physical pain I endure and the mental handicaps I go through more, I can greet happiness with my full arms open. I don’t have to let the terror I cast on my own mind from gaining speed, and I will take one day at a time and somehow get better through my own thinking and chanting. I will surround myself with amazing and supportive people that are behind me and aren’t afraid to tell me the whole truth, even if it is staring me in the face. Sometimes you need the truth so bad, so bad that you can’t feel it until someone knocks you out with it.
We are born from the sadness of death, of anguish and made to be something glorious.
That’s the cycle of life, and a cycle that keeps giving and taking, so don’t be afraid of the moments you can’t grasp, and just take what life gives you now and go with it. Don’t be afraid of possibilities of being selfish and putting yourself first for once, and know that I can be free if I just want to be.