Somehow, I ended up keeping up my Sunday plans of going to the Dog Bowl with my neighbor and her dogs, and just having a blast. We were there for 3 hours and a half mostly and I got sunburned like crazy but I had so much fun. I forgot about all my worries of the last week and actually smiled. I truly had a great time and despite the sadness and tears I washed away, I think this event cheered me up. There’s nothing better than being around some creatures you love like dogs.
Check out the rest here on Colored-Dreams.
Regardless of the fun and despite my wish of telling my mother to leave me and that I was shutting down her line, she ended up acting like crazy and completing harassing me, my uncle, and my husband to see if I was still “alive” because you know, I am going to kill myself just cause I cut myself. That’s the biggest misconception: I don’t want to die but I do want to stop the emotional pain and so that is a unhealthy coping mechanism that I do but it doesn’t mean I want to die or end my life, but you think she’d get the hint that I wanted nothing to do with her and instead get her craziness with her threatening to pound on my door and be insane. I can’t get rid of her and my dad calls me and pretends to care. Where were you buddy when you told me you hated me? I really doubt at this point that my parents love me and if they do, then it’s really down there deep because I can’t see it anymore. I love them always but I want to rid of them eventually.
Don’t get me wrong: I don’t hate them, I just think they are very toxic and I will always love them because they are my parents, it’s just that I don’t think they are good people underneath for all their actions because they affect me so much.
Everything is worth doing and being a different person than your parents especially if you and me have bad parents and even if they didn’t mean it to happen, you’re and I’m here for a reason and we have to grasp that reason soon.
To note: I am having a endoscopy done on my stomach and also a ultrasound on my liver because I have bad pain and also some changes to my digestive track and even to my liver. I am scared beyond belief that it could mean something. I just hope for the best and that I can live happily even without the knowledge. Even with it too.