So, it’s been a week of nightmares and I mean, terrible PTSD nightmares and I know I take medicine for it, but it can’t stop these nightmares all the time. Nothing is 100% guaranteed in life and that includes medication. Life has been hard lately and I have had hard feelings about myself and so I saw my nurse practitioner again and switched to Wellbutrin XL to help the impulsiveness and anxiety and even weight loss; though I did go down on my Effexor which is another antidepressant because I was really shaking from the anxiety but besides that, the Wellbutrin XL is actually helping my moods and that’s great to hear. I need something to help with that but I know I still have to do my part in all this and it’s been difficult to do that on my own. My husband is there but I know that I still have to be strong on my own and somehow keep it up and learn better coping habits instead of destructive ones and it’s difficult not to rely on those things after it has become a habit.
Habits are hard to break but I am slowly learning to love myself as I already like myself but I feel that my dreams may not come true…so much has happened because this year I will be 28 and at this age, I am supposed to have it together? Yet, with mental illness, you don’t know how erratic it is and how stormy it can be in someone’s life and others around it. I am still navigating through it and somehow it’s working with someone helping my cast the sails and keep them steady for me to see the stars. The stars are my guiding point but who really has their life all together at any age? Aren’t we always learning and growing throughout life? I was so sure at my teenage years that I knew everything but as you grow older you realize that you don’t know much and that’s the beauty of life. You learn and learn.