Switching Memories At Life Near The Verge

So, it’s been a week of nightmares and I mean, terrible PTSD nightmares and I know I take medicine for it, but it can’t stop these nightmares all the time. Nothing is 100% guaranteed in life and that includes medication. Life has been hard lately and I have had hard feelings about myself and so I saw my nurse practitioner again and switched to Wellbutrin XL to help the impulsiveness and anxiety and even weight loss; though I did go down on my Effexor which is another antidepressant because I was really shaking from the anxiety but besides that, the Wellbutrin XL is actually helping my moods and that’s great to hear. I need something to help with that but I know I still have to do my part in all this and it’s been difficult to do that on my own. My husband is there but I know that I still have to be strong on my own and somehow keep it up and learn better coping habits instead of destructive ones and it’s difficult not to rely on those things after it has become a habit.

Habits are hard to break but I am slowly learning to love myself as I already like myself but I feel that my dreams may not come true…so much has happened because this year I will be 28 and at this age, I am supposed to have it together? Yet, with mental illness, you don’t know how erratic it is and how stormy it can be in someone’s life and others around it. I am still navigating through it and somehow it’s working with someone helping my cast the sails and keep them steady for me to see the stars. The stars are my guiding point but who really has their life all together at any age? Aren’t we always learning and growing throughout life? I was so sure at my teenage years that I knew everything but as you grow older you realize that you don’t know much and that’s the beauty of life. You learn and learn.

Not including my blood pressure medicine. Current meds
Still, I don’t have much brain fog these days and I am slowly getting better at things and life in general and learning all I can about people including those that I knew and swore I knew all my life. People can change and they do change and sometimes for the worst if not for the better. I guess there is strength in knowing that I can possibly change everything in my life if I believed more in myself and I guess I hurt others by hurting myself. I never understand the marriage vows I took but slowly I am because they have full weight and meaning to my husband and I. There’s no such thing as being a liability to anyone in a marriage because it is a partnership through and through; and this partnership is maintained as long as both parties or more parties believe in each other with trust and communication. Though I admit being terrible at communication as I shut down inside but I am learning to be more open and my husband is guiding me despite everything. I guess that’s a real marriage in the middle of a squall.

Done by Aguichan on Etsy
And I suppose it’s worth trying to keep being me despite everything.

Posted on April 12th, 2017 in Blog, pictures by Michelle. 4 Comments

I know how that can feel. Lately I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my anxiety, but we gotta keep trying! Only way to get better!

And I’m glad that your husband is very supportive!

Also I love that pic! So cute!

Posted on April 14th, 2017, at 3:39 AM by Sydney.

I feel like the one thing that keeps me positive about my 20s is that every twenty something I talk to says that it’s almost impossible to have it figured out! And those that leave their twenties and enter their thirties say that that doesn’t change — you still don’t have all your ducks in a row. It has a lot to do with how inconsistent life and people are; we’re always changing and moving on to new things, so it’s hard to have things “figured out” because of that I think.

That being said, I hope you start to see improvements in the love you have for yourself! I’m glad that your husband is supportive. Having a support system can create an entirely different (and better) environment!

Posted on April 14th, 2017, at 7:39 PM by Joy.

Hey Michelle, I am so happy to see that you are starting to feel better and that you are starting to love yourself more and more. I’m working on that too, right now!

I hope your nightmares will disappear soon, you deserve a good night of sleep and nice dreams.

Happy easter!

Posted on April 14th, 2017, at 11:59 PM by Amy.

Glad to see how positive you’re being, even though things aren’t always great. Hopefully things will improve in time, and the nightmares get better. It’s a difficult journey, but I’m sure you’ll be able to work through it. Good luck!